Fr. Vincent Stapleton reflects on eulogies in the Church

In a recent appearance on RTE One's "Upfront with Katie Hannon," Fr. Vincent Stapleton, a curate in Thurles, opened up about the evolving practice of eulogies in the Church. 

The programme featured clergy and lay people from across Ireland and highlighted the different approaches in Church, Diocese and indeed Geography. 

Some Churches and Funeral Services allow Eulogies, others don't and the reasons why were explored on the programme.  

Drawing from his experiences, Fr. Vincent highlighted the varying approaches across different dioceses and the challenges that arise when personal tributes and the church differ.

Fr. Stapleton emphasised the importance of respecting the solemnity of funeral services, stating, "Once the final prayers of commendation have finished, a eulogy is permitted." 

He views this as a privilege, allowing families to honour their loved ones in a meaningful way he says: "It's a difficult privilege at times to meet the family and chat about their loved one." 

While he encourages families to share their memories, he also sets boundaries: "I usually ask them to keep it roughly about five to seven minutes and to script it."

The curate said that the Church and Cathedral is a space he believes should evoke reverence, something he related to Thurles.

 "Lord, I love the decorum of your house, the place where your glory dwells," he quoted, underscoring the need to maintain decorum during services.

He shared that most families are respectful, often expressing love and gratitude in their words. However, he acknowledged that there are occasions when this balance is disrupted.

Fr. Stapleton, who had an extensive hurling career with Borris Ileigh, expressed concern over a few instances where eulogies strayed from the respectful tone expected in a sacred space.

"I’ve seen situations where decorum isn't honored," he admitted, noting that these lapses are usually unintentional. 

He recounted a few moments of levity amidst his concerns and told the story of a recent encounter during a hurling match:

 "I played a hurling match a couple of weeks ago, got a belt and used a bit of bad language because it was a dirty belt really and the referee said to me 'If I said that in your Church how would you like it?'

"I shut my mouth then because I wouldn't like it."

He admitted that he did have instances where unsavory language was used in the house of God. 

The Borrisoleigh native said sometimes he is nervous about where a Eulogy will go saying "usually my shoulders relax when I see that there's only one or two sheets and the person presents themselves well."

When addressing the nature of the tributes, he commented on the increasing secularization of society, which often seeps into the church setting.

 "The mindset of many people has become secularized," he observed, explaining that this shift can lead to challenges in maintaining the sacredness of the service. 

He recounted an instance where a couple chose non-religious songs, such as "Knocking on Heaven's Door" by Guns N' Roses or Shania Twain during a wedding, underscoring the importance he places on respecting the religious elements of such ceremonies.

Ultimately, Fr. Stapleton remains committed to guiding families through the grieving process while preserving the sacredness of the church. 

His thoughtful approach exemplifies the delicate balance clergy must navigate in an ever-evolving cultural landscape, ensuring that both personal tributes and the sanctity of the Church are upheld.